My alternative season 10
by chocmanga
Summary: continuation from my alternative season 9, enjoy :
1. TOW the plan B

Continuation from my alternative season 9, R & R and all that shiz ;)

oh and no don't own these characters

Scene: hotel room, its a complete mess, Chandler is in the bed & goes to cuddle the person next to him

Chandler: mmmmmm

Joey: mmmmmmmm

Chandler: morning honey

Joey: morning baby

Chandler: (opens his eyes) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (Chandler falls off the bed)

Opening credits

Scene: continued from before

Monica (lying on the ground) why are you guys screaming

Chandler: what are you doing on the ground and why am I in a bed with Joey!

Joey: hey I mightn't be happy about this either but you could do a lot worse than me!

Rachel: (horse whisper) why is everyone screaming?

Monica: what the hell happened last night?

Chandler: I can remember being at the after party of the wedding . . . then some drinks . . . then some more drinks . . . . and then just blackness

(Ross enters)

Ross: hey I'm trying to sulk in the room next door & your screaming is really affecting me feeling sorry for myself

(Phoebe enters)

Phoebe: I'm a trying to seduce a man next door and your screaming is really a mood killer!

Scene: everyones having breakfast a restaurant, Joey sits down with loads of food

Rachel: how are you not dying like the rest of us?

Joey: you have to eat sometime

Chandler: yes but not now when there's alcohol leaking out of our pores!

Joey: yea so I'll clog them by all the delicious grease in this food (starts eating)

Monica: honey you want some aspirin?

Chandler: can I snort it (Monica just stares blankly) no response eh? I better get some water (he leaves)

Rachel: (to Ross) they're both completely hungover and they're being nice to each other

Ross: yes well they are equal partners in an equal relationship

Rachel: usually I can take your yapping but for the foreseeable future please speak S-L-O-W-E-R

Ross: you brought this on yourself if you think I'm going to help you you've got another thing going

Rachel: so what if I don't love you, you still love me so get me some morphine or something to stop the banging in my head!

Ross: oh no poor you bet you'd hate it if I do this (starts dropping forks, knives on the ground)

Phoebe: (holding her head) for the love of god Rachel say you love him, pretend you love him just make him stop!

Chandler: (to Ross) quick question where were you while we were destroying our livers?

Ross: I shared some drinks with you guys but when you two (pointing to Joey and Chandler) started singing _Sexy Back_ I left

Chandler & Joey: (smiling at each other) good times

Rachel: you stayed up in our room all night (he nods) and you weren't the least bit worried when I didn't come through the door all night long

Ross: that is correct

Rachel: I could have been dead!

Ross: I think I left you, my so called 'beloved', in capable hands

Rachel: you left me drunk with a bunch of alcoholics!

Phoebe: isn't that the perfect place for you then, you should be thanking Ross

Ross: thank you Phoebe but your sound words will fall on her deaf ears

Rachel: my deaf ears! That's it I'm going upstairs, (pointing at Ross) and if you ever think I'll let you nibble on my 'deaf' ears you've got another thing coming mister! (she storms out & everyone stares at Ross)

Ross: what!

Chandler: hey nothing's wrong with us . . . nibbler

Ross: is that my new nickname?

Chandler: for the foreseeable future . . . . (thinking) yes

Joey: (to Ross) hey dude it could be worse, you don't want to hear the nicknames Monica calls Chandler

Monica: (to Chandler) do you tell him everything!

Joey: no Monica you're just very loud

Ross: I'm going to be sick

Joey: oh great then dude can I have your breakfast?

Scene: hotel room, Monica & Chandler are packing & Rachel enters

Rachel: oh my god I can't stand the Geller's!

Chandler: (to Rachel) oh I've been there

Monica: hey!

Rachel: (to Monica) while I am in this mood and need your help you are a Bing

Monica: have you ever gotten advice from a Bing?, if I were you I'd promote me back to Geller status

Chandler: hey! . . . oh wait she's right on the money there

Rachel: what am I going to do, we're flying home today and then we'll be in New York and I know its a big city but don't you always end up meeting the people you want to avoid

Chandler: (sarcastic) I know but Rachel you're apartment is so large that you'll probably never see Ross

Rachel: guys seriously, what am I going to do?

Monica: sweetie you can't avoid him forever, you owe it to Emma and your relationship to sit down and figure this out with him . . . what is there to figure out?

Rachel: we're in two different places in this relationship, is that sustainable?

Monica: (holding Rachel's hand) do you love him?

Rachel: I don't know

Chandler: this is one awkward silence . . . would it be alright if I commenced with some fart jokes because I'm dying here?

Monica: and that's why you never go to a Bing for advice

Scene: airport, everyone enters

Ross: (whispering to Chandler) hey dude can we trade?

Chandler: (whispering) trade what?

Ross: partners

Chandler: let me get this straight, you want to swap my wife, and your sister, for your fiance

Ross: I can't sit next to her on this flight

Chandler: well why Monica!, we were going to renew our subscription to the mile high club!

Joey: how have you had airplane sex and I haven't!

Ross: that act is both disgusting and dangerous

Joey: bet you wouldn't be saying that if you did it though

Chandler: can't you sit beside Joey or Phoebe

Ross: Joey's eaten a lot this morning and has a history of getting sick on planes, and Phoebe well I'm worried I'll fall asleep and she'll do things to me

Chandler: fine you can have Monica, you think Rachel would want to join the mile high club with me? . . . Too soon for jokes? (Ross nods)

Monica: (to everyone) guys I have some bad news, there's like a hurricane warning up and they're about to ground all flights

Rachel: no no no no I can't be stuck here with him!

Ross: you think I want to be here anymore than you do!

Phoebe: do you think we do!

Chandler: time to implement plan B guys?

Rachel: what's plan B?

Phoebe: (to Rachel and Ross) you two have a habit of having fights while we all are in a confined space

Ross: no we don't

Chandler: the ski trip

Monica: my apartment

Rachel: two times!

Phoebe: yes well I'm still trying to repress those memories so yes implementation of plan B begins

Ross: how does it work?

Chandler: I don't know, did we ever consider an airport?

Monica: the logistics are different but I think we can make this work (they begin to leave)

Rachel: what are you doing?

Monica: we're leaving you two alone, good luck

Joey: can we do plan B near that Burger King over there?

Chandler: of course Joe, and Ross I'm going to make Joey eat so much he's going to be very plane sick! You're going to rue the day you took airplane sex away from me (they all leave & Ross & Rachel stare at each other)

Closing credits

Scene: Monica, Chandler, Phoebe & Joey are all sitting in the airport

Monica: how'd you think they're doing?

Phoebe: I think the hurricane is actual a metaphor for their relationship and once it goes it'll be safe to see them again

Monica: you're still drunk aren't you

Joey: ugh I'm going to be sick! (he runs to the bathroom)

Chandler: I ask him to do one thing for me, get sick on Ross on the plane and can't even do that!


	2. TOW the stewardess

TOW the stewardess

nope don't own anything

Scene: airport, Ross & Rachel are there

Ross: so . . .

Rachel: yea . . . .

(both sigh)

Ross: we should talk

Rachel: ugh you are such a girl with your constant need for talking

Ross: well if it wasn't for that then I'd still be in the dark and thinking we're getting married

Rachel: we are in a public place right now so can we save this conversation until we're home

Ross: you mean the home we share as a couple because I think that ship has sailed

Rachel: I never once said I didn't want to be your girlfriend or live with you

Ross: but!

Rachel: Ross so help me I will kill you, you infuriate me!

Ross: oh well at least I can still instill some emotions in you, they're not positive emotions but whatever

Rachel: alright I tried to be nice but screw that, for months I tried to tell you my feelings and you didn't listen, Ross if I lit a bomb under you while screaming out that I didn't want to get married you wouldn't have listened!

Lady sitting next to Rachel: bomb? . . . these people have a bomb, someone call the police, they have a bomb!

(police come and drag Ross & Rachel away)

opening credits

Scene: jail cell, Ross & Rachel are there & everyone else enters

Rachel: how did you know we're in here?

Chandler: it wasn't difficult when we could hear Ross crying like a baby

Phoebe: and seeing him being dragged away kicking and screaming was kind of self explanatory

Rachel: it doesn't matter, you're going to bail us out and this nightmare will be over

Monica: apparently we can't do that, you have to be interrogated first

Chandler: you sure they didn't say water boarded? (Rachel tries to attack Chandler through the bars of the cell) hey this is fun, um Ross I think I can now tell you I really feel about paleontology

Joey: dude stop the man is broken

Ross: thanks Joey

Joey: oh and Rachel, when you're in there talking to the police just give them a peak at your ladies and you'll be fine . . . maybe actually just take your top off to be sure

Ross: what about me!

Phoebe: don't worry, I think officer Miguel there is gay so flirt your little apparent heterosexual ass off

Ross: how'd you know that?

Phoebe: I offered him a night of Phoebe love in return for you two and he turned me down!

Monica: oh and guess what, we have great news the hurricane warning's been removed

Rachel: so we can fly home

Monica: no (pointing at her, Chandler, Joey & Phoebe) we can fly home, you have to sort out this mess and then they'll put you on the next available flight home

Ross: so you're just going to leave us here!

Monica: guys this isn't easy for us

Phoebe: until they upgraded us to first class, then it was pretty easy

Rachel: Ross turns out we do have something in common, a shared hatred for these so-called friends

Phoebe: alright so we'll be off and good luck you two

Joey: hey guys remember what I told you (they all begin to leave) and Ross FYI that face you're making right now needs to be twice as sexy (Ross grimaces) better

Scene: plane, Monica & Chandler are sitting next to each other, as is Joey & Phoebe

Monica: sweetie can we talk?

Chandler: hold on one second, stewardess I need more champagne, god I love first class, how come you never bring me champagne at home

Monica: do we even own any champagne

Chandler: exactly, why don't we own any!

Monica: because you don't like it

Chandler: I like it when its free and being served to me by Michelle

Monica: you know the stewardess's name!

Chandler: hey you think we could get you one of those uniforms

Monica: would I have to serve you champagne in it?

Chandler: of course, my fantasies always have to be accurate

Monica: can we please talk now!

Chandler: peanuts

Monica: what!

Chandler: Michelle, can I have more peanuts please?

Joey: hey dude you're married

Monica: thank you Joey!

Joey: yea so back off, you're dating life is over, Michelle is mine

Phoebe: hey! She maybe interested in the charms of a lady

Stewardess: is everything alright for all of you

Chandler, Joey & Phoebe: (all staring at her) oh yes

Scene: jail cell, Rachel's there & Ross enters

Rachel: how'd it go?

Ross: turns out officer Miguel is actually gay, unfortunately my flirting was a bit too full on

Rachel: please you couldn't be full on with a dinosaur!

Ross: hey I was desperate, did you take your top off?

Rachel: hey I'm a lady!

Ross: please

Rachel: and I wasn't able to because of the handcuffs

Ross: well if you were willing to placate my sexual fantasies then you would have had a lot of practice with handcuffs

(policeman enters)

Officer: alright we have ascertained that you did not in fact have an incindiary device

Rachel: fantastic next flight to New York please good sir

Officer: unfortunately your release has to be sanctioned by my boss in Washington, it could be awhile

Ross: but we're innocent

Rachel: as in innocent till proven guilty

Officer: here we work by the mantra guilty till proven innocent

Ross: you just said we're innocent

Officer: oh you are . . . just not officially yet

Rachel: this isn't fair!

Officer Miguel: welcome to the United States sweet cheeks

Ross: do you know as to who's cheeks he was referring to? (Rachel stares at him angrily) what he could have been talking about mine!

Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel & Ross enter

Rachel: so we're finally home

Ross: (sarcastic) yippee

Rachel: so I'm going to go to bed. . . . where should I sleep?

Ross: (sad) I don't know

Rachel: should I even stay here?

Ross: this is your home too

Rachel: is it?

Scene: Monica & Chandler's apartment, Rachel enters

Chandler: hey if it isn't my favorite felon

Monica: Rach honey you ok? Have you been crying?

Rachel: I think Ross and me are over, can I stay here? (Monica goes to hug her)

Closing credits

Scene: Monica & Chandler's bedroom, Monica enters dressed in an air stewardness uniform

Chandler: oh yea, this is going to be great

Monica: (seductive) well hello sir, my name is Monica I'll be helping you throughout this ride, careful there could be some turbulence

Chandler: oh I think I can handle the turbulence, may I have some champagne?

Monica: certainly (pours out a drink for him)

Chandler: that's not champagne!

Monica: I know its lemonade, looks similar though doesn't it (Chandler looks sad) what?

Chandler: well it kind of wrecks the whole fantasy, guess we'll just have to have regular sex now (sighs) my life is so crappy


End file.
